Language Man

This is an extension of the Professional Liar post. For the background that goes with this story please read that one first.

So on our way back to the bus stop we had to pass by "wildcat" vendors who didn't want to pay for a booth. They just put blankets down on the ground to display their goods. I'm not sure if you have heard but China is a crowded place. Needless to say, we were not the only people walking down the sidewalk so it is hard to know for sure what really happened next. What I know for sure is that I heard a hulabaloo behind me. I looked to see the smallest kid in our group being accosted by an angry Chinese woman. If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was the same one that Makena had scammed a few minutes earlier. If text messaging existed back then, it would make sense that she had texted a message to this woman to get revenge.
At any rate, this woman was standing there in Nick's face yelling at him. I'm not sure if you have heard but Chinese people are short. So the fact that this woman was face to face with Nick tells you how short he was. I made my way back past my students and a host of other curious Chinese people to see what she was so upset over.
On a short biographical side note, after graduation from BYU in 1992 I lived in Taiwan for two years. One of my reasons for going there was to learn Chinese. I had become what would be considered fluent but in ten years with no chance to practice my Chinese had become rusty. While some of the vendors could speak English, this angry woman could not. She was yelling "Ni kwai dao la" as she held up a broken hair comb. "Ni gei wo chen" Translation: "You broke it, give me money!" I was not so sure Nick broke it but I had my doubts. In my best Chinese I said,
"He didn't break it you are just trying to cheat him." She insisted that he had stepped on the comb and that he had to pay for it. We went back and forth for what seemed like a while but was probably less than a minute. The debate did not, however, include how much she expected to get for it; probably less than a buck. Pride, however, is rarely laden with logic. The discussion centered on whether Nick had broken the comb and I was defending Nick's honor. A crowd was beginning to assemble and I was getting nervous. At last, I said "no, we are not going to pay you and I nudged Nick to move on and gave a look to the others that they should move out. With that, the woman, afraid that she was going to end up empty handed, attempted to get something of value and grabbed the bag of goods that Nick had purchased. In so doing, the plastic bag broke and a jade statue fell to the ground and broke. Now I had cause to be upset. I'm sure the statue was worth more than the stupid comb. The crowing crowd and the woman's rash action, resulted in panic that forced pride from me. Now logic took over and I saw a vision of an angry mob busting out their kung fu. That wouldn't have gone over well with the parents that had entrusted this kids into my care. I reached into my pocket. I threw her the first bill that emerged and took off for the bus. I am sure it was more than the comb was worth. Even if it was a scam. If I would have calmly asked her how much she wanted and then offered her half of that we might have come to terms. Even if I would have paid her what she asked I would have come away with more money in my pocket. My ego allowed things to get out of hand and I ended up rewarding her bad behavior. Even if her story was legit, I taught her how to exploit dumb, prideful Americans. The funny part of the story and the reason for the title of this piece is that when we finally made it to the safety of the bus and started to relax. Makena, who didn't understand any of what had just taken place, looked at me in amazement and with a sense of awe in his voice and expression said " Mr. Jeppson, your....your like language man!" Apparently he had not heard me speaking Chinese. The longer I had been there, the more it improved. To him though it was all just jibberish. Even if I was slaughtering the language, to him my language skills had saved them from the impending doom of a Chinese mob.